I have become one of them

Mr. Man turned one last month. He has grown and changed so much over the past 12 months, and I have grown and changed along with him. My values shifted instantaneously without conscious effort. I have learned more about life and myself from my now 22 pound ball of curiosity than I had ever thought possible. So much of what I thought I would and wouldn't do as a mom flew out the window once the baby arrived. Is it all rainbows and unicorns...certainly not. Do we still struggle with sleep and naps...yes indeed. However, along this nap-devoid, messy adventure, I've made some simple but meaningful realizations.
I never understood why parents have no time for house cleaning, eyebrow waxing, showering (when he was a breast-feeding infant), or magazine reading...I get it now.
I never understood the satisfaction of reading a 15-word book 12 times in 6 minutes...I get it now.
I never understood the joy of watching a bright-eyed tot bang on pots and pans...I get it now.
I never understood why mothers had Cheerios spilling out from every bag and jeans/jacket/stroller pocket available....I get it now. In fact, I have become one of them---a card carrying member of the Cheerios toting mom's club.

Oktoberfest preparations

Every year, Hubby's best buddies from college host their "traditional" events celebrating important holidays like New Year's Day and March Madness. Hubby has been promising that we would hold Oktoberfest in honor of our time in Germany as soon as we were settled in Frederick. Well, I wouldn't exactly call us "settled," but with an infant, is anything ever really settled...I think not. So, today begins the last minute scramble for cleaning and house preparations. Tomorrow is food prep and decorating. The good thing about working full time and having a baby is that I don't have time to obsess over this party like I normally would. Cheers to seeing good friends from all stages of our lives tomorrow to celebrate another all imporant holiday--Oktoberfest.

Why didn't anyone tell me...

I have a 5 month old baby (pausing while I re-read that sentence, absorbing the enormity of it). The past months since my baby's birth have been the most challenging months of my life. We are both crying less and smiling more now, but it has been a rough road. There have been many moments that I have been upset with my parent friends for not telling me details that would have helped me know what to expect. If I had known some of these things, I might not have felt so isolated/inadequate while I was going through them. So, as part catharsis and part message/head's up to my friends who will become parents, here are the things that I wish my friends had told me:

1. Having a newborn will likely be one of the most challenging experience of your life.

2. You will spend hours taking childbirth classes, reading books, talking to friends, and scouring websites preparing for what happens during the actual birth of your baby. NEWSFLASH: Your body and the professionals who have gone to school for 20+ years and delivered a bajillion babies DO know what to do. Spend time reading what happens AFTER the baby is born...like how to instill good sleeping habits, how to breastfeed, how to use your stroller, how to use your breast pump, etc.

3. Your baby may not nap for two hours at a time like other babies do. In fact, your baby may only catnap for 30-40 minutes every nap...every day. And, he may fight against those short naps, too. This will allow you to get nothing done around the house. Don't even try.

4. There will be no time to shower, drink tea, eat real food, or pee.

5. Let people help you. This is not time to compete for the martyr of the month competition. If your mother wants to stay with you for a week...let her. If your neighbor wants to make you food...order up!

6. Your baby will cry for long periods of time. He won't be hungry, tired, cold, hot, wet, poopy, etc. He will just cry. You will feel helpless because you won't know how to help the little guy. You will figure it out, but it will be a process of trial and error.

7. Your baby will poop again as soon as you change his diaper.

8. Poop will gross you out at first. Within a matter of days, you won't bat an eyelash at it.

9. Breastfeeding may be "natural" but neither you nor your baby will likely know what to do. It may take a really long time to get the hang of it. Find a good lactation consultant; they are worth their weight in gold.  (The first three that I contacted bailed on me.)

10. People will offer ALL KINDS of unsolicited advice regarding baby-rearing in general and breastfeeding in particular. They will tell you that your baby is not getting enough to eat, that you won't be able to breastfeed, that your baby will have nipple confusion, etc. Listen to no one. Trust yourself.

11. Your milk ducts can get clogged. This causes the baby to get very upset which makes breastfeeding difficult. Hot showers, massaging until you are bruised, and cabbage leaves worked for me. And still work. It continues to happen. Five months later.

12. You will be tired all of the time. You will fall asleep while nursing. You will get through it.

13. You will feel anxious the first time...okay the first 20 times...that you are alone with your baby.

14.You will feel love for your baby like nothing you've ever known or imagined.

Good luck, my would-be parent friends!

Amnesia, please.

Do women who have children acquire post-delivery amnesia? I think that they must. At 38 weeks, 6 days (yes, I am counting), I cannot imagine wanting to be pregnant again. I haven't had a horror-story pregnancy...no daily violent vomitting (just lots of dry heaving coupled with constant nausea for the first 20-some weeks), no high blood pressure or pre-eclampsia, no required bedrest (just sciatica pain so severe that I am limited to the bed or couch for most of the past two weeks), but still! I'm guessing that the sight of one's own child being brought into this world or the birthing process itself casts an invisibility cloak over all of those negatives...if not, it seems that the world would be filled with only chlidren!

Having a boy...making a skirt

I began to create a baby registry...ugh. In doing so, I realized that I liked NONE of the crib bedding options. They were either very gender-specific (pink, flowered, cupcakes OR blue, baseballs and trucks) or just plain ugly. So, I spent some time (okay, a lot of time) researching other options. Once I decided to make my own crib skirt (thanks to younghouselove.com for the instructions and reassurance that despite my woeful lack of sewing ability, I could, indeed, create a cribskirt), I spend some time (okay, a lot of time) researching for the right material. Spoonflower.com, fabric.com, tonicliving.com all had adorable fabrics and colors, but the choices were a bit overwhelming for my already indecisive proclivities. So, Hubby and I decided to take a little break from the house during the last 60 degree weekend. We ventured to Old Town Alexandria and found a cute little home store in which a well-dressed, well-spoken, well-groomed man directed us to the holy grail...the perfect fabric.



The only problem...$35 per yard plus shipping. So, conservatively, I would spend over $150 on fabric for the skirt and valences IF (and that is a big if), I didn't make any mistakes requiring recutting. This thrifty girl left empty-handed.

Baby D wasn't letting me sleep that night, and hubby was still up working on one of his gazillion projects, so my iphone and I surfed the net and found a similar pattern for $16 per yard...10 more minutes of kicking (Baby D, not me), and I found the same fabric for $10 per yard plus free shipping at onlinefabricstore.net. SOLD! The fabric arrived last week, and this morning, I tackled the crib skirt. The skilled decorista (yes, I just created that word) at younghouselove.com said it took her 40 minutes to make her no-sew crib skirt. Me...four hours minus a lunch break and a visit to the tea shop. Nonetheless, I was truly in my glory. There is definitely something to this nesting thing. Here is the final product.

It's a...

BOY! We found out the sex of the baby during my 20 week ultrasound last week, and let me tell you that we were both shocked. When the little penis appeared on the ultrasound tech's screen, we both did a double-take. Hubby had wanted a girl...friends and random others told me that the signs (terrible morning sickness, weight gain in my chest, etc.) indicated a girl was on the way. So, I was convinced they were probably right. Even though Hubby had wanted a girl, he said that he adjusted to the idea of having a boy rather quickly. Me...not so much. All that I could think about on the extra long, Thanksgiving-eve drive to my parents' house was, "What am I going to do with a boy?" I am a girl (obviously), so I have a little insight into what to do with one of those, but my niece is a girl (again, obviously) and I have two sisters and I wasn't around boys while I was growing up. So again..."What am I going to do with a boy?" reverberated through my thoughts. My family, who, with the exception of my dad who has been surrounded by sisters, daughters, and female pets all of his life, wanted a girl. Needless to say, they were beyond shocked when we told them. I think they were disappointed. But alas, the important part was that our boy has a healthy heart, bowels, lungs, spine, brain, and extremities. Whew...a sigh of relief.

After a lovely Thanksgiving Day filled with turkey and other gluten-free goodies (everyone LOVED my gluten-free stuffing), we lurched into an awkward day-after-Thanksgiving ritual. The ritual of purchasing an ornament on the day after from local crafters isn't the awkward part, but interacting with my sis and mom (between whom the the tension was thicker than GaGa's eyelashes) definitely was. I was honestly a bit relieved that we had to leave early to welcome our new renters (another story for another time).

So, after one more breakdown last night, my uber-supportive Hubby (who also made me gluten free cc cookies and sang to me for my b-day last night) made me sit down and start looking at boy nursery ideas. He knows that I need something tangible to reduce my anxiety. The result was, as predicted, a relaxing reduction in anxiety, and I found lots of cool, non-blue, non-teddy bear, non-baseball bat themed rooms for CHEAP posted by women who want to have children without literally buying in to the consumerism and commercialism that comes with that dangerous four-lettered word: BABY. Here are some of my favorite designs

Baby Donahue

So, the other really big news...I'm pregnant!

Return of the blogging

It's been a hundred years since I have last written a blog post. Life has been busy. We moved out of A's house and are still working on getting the Sparks house rented or sold. Most importantly, we FINALLY moved in to our new old home. Note that I didn't say that our new old home is finished. The reality is that it is still very much a construction zone. Hubby couldn't resist not sleeping here despite the dust, bare unpainted walls, mud for a backyard, drafty windows, etc. So, here we are! The truth is that our house is beautiful, and I am amazed that all of my thrift shopping and the family painting efforts have culminated in an (almost) Dwell-worthy home.

The TO DO list:
Paint all trim
Paint ceiling touch ups
Srape paint from all windows
Repaint all windows
Paint exterior of house
Obtain and install storm windows
Acquire random pieces of furniture
Sand and polyeurethane stairs
Grade yard and install concrete patio
Install fence
Get remainder of household goods that government has skillfully "misplaced"
DECORATE
Throw housewarming party :)

More paint please

Hold on to your seats...this will shock you....we spent this weekend...wait for it...PAINTING!!! Yeh, not a big surprise. We were delighted that my friend S donated more hours of her time than she had planned to cover my office closet doors with a second coat of paint. And, even though Matt's college buddies bailed (one, who shall remain nameless, even said that he couldn't help because the new Harry Potter movie was being released...really? that's all you could come up with?), one drove out to help on Sunday. They say that during a crisis, you find out who your real friends are. I think that during a major house renovation and a call for painting, your true friends shine through. Thanks S and R!

One is Silver and the Other Gold

New friends lent a hand today as Matt and I were struggling to move a piece of the sectional that we bought from the Re-Store through our front door. Without missing a beat, our soon-to-be neighbors provided tools to remove the front door, moved the difficult piece that I was trying to navigate, and volunteered to assist hubby the remaining 3 trips to pick up the other pieces. Thank you new friends!

Old friends gathered to celebrate the wedding of my dear childhood and college friend (the groom). The setting was a lovely, family-run vineyward in the middle of nowhere mountains of Western Virgnia. Hubby got a chance to see three of his closest college buddies, and in addition to chatting with them and their wives/signficant others, I was able to catch up with an old high school (and college) beau. Even though the college buddies don't see each other regularly, and I haven't really talked to the groom in a few years, those old ties bind. Hubby and his buddies fall right back into their silly antics and recollections from the "good old days." How many times is the "hot wings" story funny? Apparently every time that it is told!

I think that old friendships become new again as we share new experiences. I'm reminded of my old Campfire Girls Days and the song, "Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold."

3 days...1 week tops.

Three days...one week...tops. Famous last words of our flooring guy. Seriously...how do these people manage to make a living...oh wait...that's right, residents like us don't know how/have time to install hardwood floors and are therefore at your mercy. So, needless to sat, we've passed the three day mark. We've passed the one week mark. They were installing floors today...let's hope that it lasts.

My dearth in postings is due to the fact that every waking moment that hasn't been spent working or moving has been spent painting. I inherited by dad's nose and my mom's eyes, but neither of them passed their painting gene to me. I suck, and I'm okay with that. They, on the other hand, don't suck at painting. In fact, they're quite good. Mom can cut in (that's painting talk for painting the top of the wall without getting one drop of it on the ceiling) with the best of them. This weekend, my parents came to visit and painted. Mom on the ladder. Dad holding the bottom. Hubby and I were listening to them quietly bicker while we painted the need-no-painting-skill door frames a room away. Going through this renovation has made me appreciate my parents' ability to stay together throughout all that they have done. Renovating is a stressor. It is a constant stress on the indivdiuals and on the couple. Hubby and I have a pretty darn good marriage, and this renovation has pushed us to our share of squabbles, meltdowns (okay, that one is mostly me), and financial freak outs (that one is mostly hubby). What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Well, our relationship muscle is going to be ready for Olympic weight lifting by the end of this project...whenever that may be.

Everything has been running behind/taking longer/requiring more permits, etc. We are out of the leaking he#$-hole formerly known as our apartment. Our lease was up July 1, and we thought FOR SURE that we'd be in the house by then...silly novices. Our realtor (God bless her soul) allowed us to move into her house while she is honeymooning and is now living with her husband. She is amazing, and her house totally rocks. Needless to say, my tolerance for inconsistent contractors just increased. As long as A doesn't sell her house, I'm content to stay. Actually, if we should happen to sell the house that we haven't gotten to live in yet and anyone has an extra $200K lying around and wants to throw it my way, I'll gladly purchase A's beautiful old home with all of its quirks and creaky floors. I've grown fond of mowing the lawn, watering the plants, and sitting on the porch. I love walking to the gym and the park. Hubby gets upset because he wants me to like our house as much as I like this one. We'll get there...someday.

Behind schedule

So, last weekend was first our move-in weekend, then our painting-marathon weekend, but in reality it was our scrape-and paint-exterior-windows-in-the-100-degree heat weekend. Ugh. Needless to say, for more reasons that I care to think about, the house is behind schedule.

The good news:
1. We have drywall
2. The in-laws have a lovely planter for us for our front step
3. We bought a brand new sectional at the Re-Store for cheap (of course)

The bad news:
1. I pulled a quad muscle playing kickball which (un)fortunately won't affect my ability to paint
2. The city can't seem to figure out what they want us to do about our drainage situation
3. We are still behind schedule and can't do a thing about it

Door #1

Hubby's been a little anxious lately. He's been itching to DO something at the house. So, when the weather finally stabilized, we went to the house and did what our limited home improvement skills allowed. First, Matt cut down an invasive plant/tree. All went well until the last part of the stump crashed into my upper thigh. I have a nice baseball sized bruise, and I need to find a good story to accompany it :) Then, we started the nasty P word...painting. We painted one door and trim before the thunderstorm hit. Door #1 looks great and is a symbolic step ahead.

Today is our three year anniversary! Hard to imagine that we were in SF three years ago saying "I do " on the steps of the court house. Last year, we were in Paris for our anniversary. We stayed here. We didn't celebrate our love in an international location this year, but we did indulge in a lunch at Volt on Friday. Yum. Yum. Yum.

Weekend in town

Living local. Highlights:
1. Scored Italian marble at remnant prices for vanities
2. Saw our contractor's beautiful wine racks at a local coffee shop...The Main Cup From there, Matt dropped me at the tea shop where I worked for the afternoon and evening. I met lots of people during the Egg-Stravagana themed First Saturday. People from Emmitsburg, Winchester, DC, Rockville, England, and plenty of locals enjoyed shopping for delicious teas and tea-wares.

After a brief but solid night's sleep, I scrubbed the apartment and then we went to brunch at Firestones with some new friends. The food was decent but not stellar and not worth the price. Then, on to Westminster to the Tractor Supply Store...leave it to me to find cute, european boots at Tractor Supply :) Sadly, I left them behind. But, we had a lovely visit with the in-laws who were in both good health and good spirits. Now, shrimp stir-fry with the new spices that M's dad couldn't wait to give him.

Day #3 of Paleo eating has been good, although beyond feeling more balanced for a few hours during the first day, I haven't noticed any other benefits...I'm trying to be patient.

Reframing

Sometimes when I am overwhelmed by work tasks, practice tasks, finacial issues, home construction issues, etc., I step back and realize just how lucky I am.
I live in the town I love.
I have a job that I like and great co-workers.
I work in a tea shop (can you believe it!??)

Life is good.

Nature: A Feel Good Elixr

Spring insn't officially here, but I definitely felt and saw signs of her approach this weekend. Hubby and I went for a wonderful hike in Harper's Ferry on the Maryland Heights Trail This was our first hike in the area, so we parked outside of Harper's Ferry, asked crunchy hikers to point us in the right direction, walked half a mile to the historic Harper's Ferry (that always feels eerily empty to me even when it is overflowing with tourists), and headed out over the old railroad bridge. The steps leading down from the bridge to the canal path were open-grate, which was mildly disconcerting given the swift running water, nearly ready to overrun its banks. In fact, the river was lapping around the final step. The trek up the riverbank was steep and reminded me that my hiking legs had not had a good workout in quite some time. Nevertheless, it felt wonderful to be active in the fresh air!

Sunday was a local hike day. We visited three open houses...Hubby even obliged me and went in. We also strolled Baker Park and discovered Great Stuff by Paul. Usually when a shop has "great" or "best" in the title, I can almost discount its greatness or bestness; however, this was different. They truly had great stuff. I found candle holders made from old sugar molds, and Hubby found a factory cart that would make a cool coffee table. Given that we don't actually have a house yet, we decided to refrain from purchasing the items. The house is coming along, though. The plumber was working on Sunday when we stopped by. Hubby and I had a small tiff over the master bath shower, but we just have different styles of doing things. Hubby likes to make a decision NOW. I could spend the next six years researching the issue. We compromised. I researched for a few hours and we had a decision.

I'm feeling good after spending time in nature. I feel more like myself. Maybe it is getting back in touch with Pennsylvania roots where every free moment was spent outside or maybe it is reconnecting with nature in a way that is inherent in us all. Either way, I'm ready for more!

Small Town Living

Friday we had dinner with our soon-to-be neighbors. I feel that having good neighbors makes a huge difference in domestic enjoyment, and I'm glad to have good neighbors. Our dinner conversation revealed that we are indeed living in a small town. They knew people who we knew...interesting.

Matt and I went for a walk in Reston Saturday morning. We always have good talks while we walk, and this time was no exception. We walked around Lake Ann through my favorite community, Waterview Cluster. These are a group of townhomes on or near the lake, designed in the mid 1960s. They are filled with windows and light. So beautiful. I definitely had house and neighborhood envy, making me second-guess our choice for Frederick. That was all for naught, because after volunteering at the tea shop downtown, walking though Baker Park, and standing at the bottom of the tower as the bells chimed, I was happy to be in Frederick.

Half Full

I knew I probably shouldn't have eaten almond butter, but I missed it. So, I did. And I paid...with stomach pains all weekend. Nevertheless, the stomach issue didn't stop me from volunteering at the local tea shop...Voila I loved it! It was a bit overwhelming...260 teas, and I haven't used a cash register since my pizza shop days! Then, hubby and I drove to Catonsville for a lovely, delicious dinner with a co-worker and her husband.

Sunday, I really wasn't feeling well, so I was confined to our tiny apartment. Matt painted at the house while I franticaly researched paint colors. Behr paint was 25% off...what a deal...but I had been dragging my feet making a decision (those of you who know me know my inherent and genetic difficulty with decisions) about the colors for the house because it was just too overwhelming. The deal was for three days...Saturday through Monday, so being the thrifty shopper that I am, I had to act. My pain prevented painting and fun activities like hiking, but on the upside I was forced to choose colors. I am a simple gal, and if it were up to me, I'd love to live in all white, but hubby is a bit more traditional. So, after many, many, many visits to paint websites, design websites (thank you apartment therapy, decorpad, and many blogs), I decided on....drumroll please...Benjamin Moore's Edgecomb Gray for the main areas of the house







And Decorator's White for the Master and my office

We went to Home Depot last night to pick up our paint. I waited nervously as our paint mixologist (very PC) prompted the computerized paint system to deposit red, yellow, and brown into our white paint cans. After the stirring/shaking machine did its thing, the paint mixologist, reached in to the can and placed a dab of the Edgecomb Gray on the lid...it was love at first sight. I was so pleased and had no hint of painter's remorse...let's just hope that it looks that good on the walls :)

I felt like crap this weekend...glass half empty. Feeling like crap forced me to stay home and make paint choices for our house...glass half full.

Work Pros and Cons

Cons: I just found out that I have to be on-site an extra day each week.
Pros: I am part of a mobile team, and I just returned from my first mission. See photo.

Who is Family?

The easy definition of family will likely involve blood relatives...living in the same house...daily interactions, etc. However, I've learned that Family is much bigger than that. In Europe, my co-workers (some of them) became family. We shared meals, we cried, we laughed, we traveled, we connected. But, I had assumed that this was due to all of us being geographically separated from the traditional family structures.

I was reminded of the expanded definition of family this past weekend. We had lunch with a wonderful family. We've known them for about 4 years; however, we've only spent a day with them here and there throughout the years. Yet somehow, sitting around the table sharing our traditional brunch with them, they are family. Another example...my coworker who I met 5 years ago is now my sister. She truly is.

Family has little to do with geography and everything to do with connection. One of the reasons that I moved back to the states was to be closer to my Webster-defined family, but that didn't strengthen the connection. In fact, I feel less connected, because despite the change in proximity, there has been little change in perceived connection. Letting go of the expectations placed on traditional family is difficult, and I'm continuing to work on that. Europeans embrace (both literally and figuratively) the concept of traditional and non-traditional family. So, here's a hug for all of my "family" out there :)